Feb. 9

"...true spirituality consists in perseverance, patience, and humility." - John of the Cross

From time to time, I ask myself a simple question. How am I doing, really? It's the "really" that makes it an important question. There is quite a bit about me that is pretty ok, fairly decent, or moderately acceptable. But how am I doing, really?

John of the Cross's words hang out there as a measuring stick, a standard that is both fair and daunting. I know I should be all those things, but at times it just seems too much, too hard, and not worth it. I would rather be weak, angry, and proud. But it is not John of the Cross who calls out to me, it is the incomparable love of Christ. Everytime I feel weak, I see His love performing miracles, casting out demons, and resurrecting the dead. When I am angry at those who have wronged my family or my church, I hear His love saying from the Cross, "Father, forgive them. They don't know what they are doing." When I am proud of my earthly accomplishments and pondering my own greatness, I close my eyes and see Him, hugging children, crying with widows, touching lepers, forgiving prostitutes.

I can feel so weak, so inadequate, as to make me want to give in and give out. But yet He still calls, that gentle, powerful voice in my heart and in my head, saying, "This is you, You are this person, you can get there, I will take you there." He makes us who He calls us to be.

Father, make me.